Day 3 of our jungle adventure… On the river.

After yet another good nights sleep fuelled by the excellent beer Chang we woke up good and early for breakfast as we had an early morning appointment with some elephants that needed a good wash in the river… Yet another fine feast was produced by our guide on nothing more than a bucket full of hot coals and after a good filling a few of us headed down to the river to see the elephants having a splash about, Georgie was in her bikini in seconds and helping the mahouts clean the big smelly chilli-whoppers. Unlike when we went elephant trekking on Koh Chang they weren’t made to entertain everyone who came to see them instead the seemed to entertain each other by doing secret underwater farts every time someone got close enough…

We still had an hour or so until the trekking was due to start and Georgie stayed with them until every one was clean as a whistle, I think she cleaned 5 in the end and except for dodging giant floating shits she had a wicked time. We all got packed up and loaded our respective elephants with our bags before climbing aboard ourselves and heading off up some pretty slim and tough tracks, some parts of the trek would be difficult on foot and when you stare over the elephants hairy head to the floor 8ft below you cant help thinking that there is no way were going to get through there. As we slowly plodded trough the jungle the others on their elephants caught up and we all formed a long train while we trekked. Along the way there was a small bamboo hut on stilts with a lady selling bunches of bananas inside, all the elephants push and shove to get you to the hut and as soon as you get there their trunk is up over their head asking for a tasty banana, feeling all your pockets and pulling at your clothes and even after we left the hut our elephant kept stopping and having a feel around because he knew we had a stash so we couldn’t do anything else but indulge him or else he wouldn’t move on. The old boy knew we had a lovely bunch and he clearly knew we were holding out on him but still he was so gentle and even polite, considering he could have just plucked one of us of and held us upside down and shock the sweet treats out of their hiding place. We carried on along even more intense terrain, so much so that at points the elephants just slid down on their arses until we reached the riverside spot where we would be white water rafting, where we hopped off and had a bite to eat, played with the ‘phants some more and took some pictures as they wandered off probably to do it all again with more tourists. We all got suited and booted in our helmets and life jackets and dragged our boat down to the fast flowing river, jumped aboard and had a quick safety brief… Which mainly consisted of the “captain” saying “if I say hold on then HOLD ON”. At least one of our team had been once before and that was all the reassurance we needed so with that we pushed away from the bank and paddled like our lives depended on it. It was mostly fairly smooth going except for short but ferociously intense and fast rapid sections at which point the captain would scream the key phrase… Fucking hang on. It was top fun and although it was only a short trip of 20 minutes it seemed a lot longer and as we cruised gently to the end we all raised our paddles and had a high five… Oh yeah. The other team were obviously a long way behind our super buff team so we waited for them and helped them out with their boat before getting aboard our bamboo raft for the last leg of our river journey, it was at this point that our greatest attribute, a team of beef cakes… I include myself in that! Became a distinct hindrance because our raft sank… Not all the way, it just kind of half floated just below the surface of the water which must have looked so funny from the river bank, like a buck of people floating past like ducks or something. Georgie took the helm (by helm I mean a big stick that the captain was using to steer) and after a few moments our only form of steering or braking had become nothing more than driftwood, Georgie dropped the bastard and left us literally up the creek without a paddle! Our captain did the noble thing and went in and got it and we finished the journey without any other real hiccups. And that was that, short of another fine feast and some group pictures our 3 day jungle trekking adventure was over… It had been hard at times but always been fun and the main reason for that was the people… Our group and our guides were all such fun and interesting people and there was a real team spirit and that had made the trip without a doubt. Once back in Chang Mai we did sweet F.A. For the rest of the day, except the standard… Super duper massage of course!

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